Disclaimer– there are those that really need to diet due to serious health concerns (
diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, heart conditions, etc.) And that’s a serious matter and a difficult struggle. To those dieters - I admire you, support you, and worship your efforts. In comparison to your struggle, I am about to start a shallow rant not worthy of your further attention.
For the rest of us who diet to just affect our appearance, dieting is our attempt to balance our love and emotional dependence on food with Hollywood’s image of beauty and worth. Society gave beauty a very strict definition, which I tried to summarize below, and it has made the rest of us feel like failures if we can’t meet the following criteria. This pressure leads to poor body image, self-loathing, and in extreme cases – plastic surgery and anorexic-mentality.
BEAUTY >>(beeYEW-tee): 5’ 5”; 115 lbs; size 2 to 4; long, toned legs; flawless, hairless medium-light tanned skin; 26” waist; firm butt with round curvature in the back; gentle sloping hips; 32C breasts; perky nose; high cheekbones; large, seductive eyes surrounded by long, lush eyelashes; shiny and full thick hair.
Well, I don’t know about you, but the only thing I have on that list is thick hair. Now I know I cannot help my lack of height, the length of my legs, or my flat, Mongolian nose, however, I do find myself obsessing about achieving some of the others.
So I picked up the South Beach Diet. It sounded reasonable, and there were numerous “true testimonies”. And all in all, it sounded like a limited amount of pain and torture would be involved. As a user now two weeks into the diet, here is my experience…
The basic rundown: 2 weeks of Hell. No carbs, including fruit, and you have to eat way too many eggs. Hell is followed by a longer period of teasing and temptation - a very restricted use of high fiber/low fat carbs. And the grand finale is the remainder of your lifetime filled with sadness and resignation. Sure, some may call it “a healthy lifestyle,” but I think it looks more like “a life of no more fun.”
Don’t be fooled by those who say it’s easy. They’re probably the same people who forgot all about the pains of child labor and have 5 kids; or they’re marathon runners and triathletes who thrive on pain; or the guys who lose 5 lbs just after taking a crap or skipping one meal; or people who just don’t enjoy food as much as me – so I can’t relate. For starters, I never skipped a meal.
So asking me to eliminate carbs is like asking me to sacrifice my first born. Luckily, I don’t have kids, but I’d almost rather sacrifice my dog than give up bread and pasta. The other thing that kills me is every recommended breakfast menu item involves eggs. Try having eggs every single freakin’ morning for 2 weeks! I’m thirteen days into the diet – and behold! I actually skipped my first meal – which is NOT recommended on the diet – it’s just that I am soooo sick of eggs that I can’t stomach the thought of another scrambler, frittata, omelet or whatever fancy name they give to the same basic egg dish over and over and over again!
Then…for lunch at the office, I’m chomping on salads! So many salads my jaws are weak! My desk is also lined with “mid-morning” & “mid-afternoon” snacks that bear the tell-tale signs of the South Beach diet – string cheese and pistachio nuts. I sit in our conference room at work and drool over the fat Specialties cookies being passed around, or the bar of hazelnut chocolate left on the counter for all to enjoy.
Cruel and unusual punishment - and it’s self induced.
At dinner, I have to be more creative and prepare something that won’t evoke too many complaints from my husband. We once had Thai curry over mashed tofu instead of rice. Not bad, actually! But our usual favorites, and even the basics are all out: pizza, pasta, Vietnamese pho or bun rice noodle dishes, Japanese udon or somen noodle soup, rice, sandwiches, potatoes… all on the “don’t-you-dare-even-think-about-it” list. I can’t take it!!
And forget about Eating Out!
No more pre-dinner bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Instead, it’s - “Oh, may I have that served on a bed of lettuce instead?” Or how about, “All beans and no rice with that taco platter – oh yeah, and no tortillas, either.” Or obnoxiously leaving the rice around my California roll, and just eating the crab, cucumber and avocado innards.
It’s sad, it’s unnatural. And is it worth it?
Eh, well, I probably lost a few pounds. My belt fastened one hole smaller. It’s not major, it’s far from the miracle I was hoping for, but I will admit, it is something.
The strangest transformation I’ve experienced is my attitude towards food. True, as the book states, you do lose your craving for carbs after a week or so. It’s a totally foreign feeling for me. In my mind, I can no longer taste the sugars or savory wonderfulness of the desserts and breads I still picture in my head. In fact, I can barely remember what they tasted like. I feel full faster; I’m not as starving during the day. My sugar highs and lows have mellowed. I’ve learned to say No.
I eat, I become full, and yet I’m still not satisfied. Instead, I feel something that more resembles apathy. I don’t want breakfasts because I’m too sick of eggs. I can’t be bothered to prepare or eat another salad or stir fry. And eating out has become a hassle, a pain, and no fun. What’s the point if you can’t indulge in fresh, warm French bread that’s toasty on the outside, and filled with yummy soft love on the inside? Or spicy and vibrant chicken tikka masala curry served over aromatic jasmine rice and scooped up with fresh-outta-the-hearth garlic naan?
No, sadly I don’t think I can appreciate the full palette and depth of flavors this beautiful and diverse world offers while on this diet. A dieter’s dream solution, maybe, but for me – it’s like a sad divorce.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t love you anymore.”
By Mie Nakayama